Children are to appreciate and honor their parents. They should not put down [comment negatively about] their parents who have brought them up. However, some teenagers, experiencing changes internally and externally, are moving away from the relationship they once had with their parents. Sadly, in their curiosity for independence and gratification of the flesh, a number of teens mistake lust for love and appearance for reality. Some have become addicted to pornography, alcohol, drugs, unhealthy relationships and a variety of other things. As a result they become discouraged, depressed and suicidal. Many run away from home.
The challenge is great for parents to maintain a positive relationship with their teenagers in a negative world. However, there is hope, help and healing in our Lord Jesus Christ. Let me present four biblical suggestions that might be of some help in maintaining a positive relationship between parents and teenagers.
1. Affection – Parents must display love to their teenagers. This leads to feelings of acceptance, shows approval for what is right and gives the sense of belonging and being needed. It requires much prayer – reflecting on God’s love for us and allowing His love, which has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit, to be visible (Rom. 5:5). We need to spend time with our teenagers, listening carefully to them and asking about such things as their concept of love and their relationships with friends.
2. Bring up our teenagers without breaking them down – Parents must exercise authority in love. Teenagers do not necessarily create problems but they do reveal them. As parents we must put ourselves under the authority of the Lord in order to exercise authority in love with our teenagers (Lk. 7:8). Therefore we must be careful in our conduct and Christ-like in our actions. We must recognize our teenagers’ strengths and, in a caring way, discuss our concerns for their weaknesses – responding rather than reacting to their comments. And when they seem to be feeling hopeless, give them hope because our God is a God of hope (Rom. 15:5)!
3. Communication – Instead of teenagers communicating their feelings and needs with their parents, some teenagers frequently seek out peers, friends on Facebook, and even older ones of the other gender. Therefore, it is important that parents listen carefully, be patient and provide a caring environment where their teenager will feel safe in sharing feelings, needs and goals. We need to be tuned-in to what they are saying and even the messages that they are not verbalizing. We should “be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (Jas. 1:19). A listening ear and a loving heart are a great help to our teenagers.
4. Direction – Most teenagers are pulled various directions by peers, sometimes observing or being in unhealthy and even dangerous scenes. They want to be treated by their parents like adults, not kids. Children are born self-centered and as teenagers they are prone to seek out direction and attention in both negative and positive ways. It is important that parents be disciplined or they will have difficulty in disciplining their teenagers. Parents need to do three things:
If your teen is struggling with addiction, identity or suicidal thoughts, seek out professional Christian counseling.
God is able to do great things in our teenagers, for them and through them. As long as there is life, it is never too late to do what is right. Pray and act today!
By Emanuel V. John